received on march 4, 2011
- Hey Christian,
- Here's my peer review for you. Good job!
- Christian Wash
- Kelly Greene
- 1. Your Episode definitely meets the History Engine's goals. It is an interesting story!
- 2. The organization of your episode is good, but I would suggest tweaking the first sentence a bit, just so that you have something really attention getting at the beginning.
- 3. I think your episode is complex enough, but I would add a little more background on Hill to make his motivations a little clearer. It would be interesting to explore who he is as a person and how that affected his role as general.
- 4. In your conclusion, tie Hill's motivations to why his account was so brief. Contextualize it a bit more by discussing his past and maybe delving deeper into his relationship to other generals. Did you find anything in his personal writings that explicitly said he felt that he needed to live up to McClellan and Jackson? (I'm sure he did feel he needed to live up to them, but does he say anything about it that is particularly striking?)
- 5. Your sentence structure is very clear and well written.
- 6. Your first sentence isn't bad, but like I said, maybe say something that has more of a "bang"
- 7. Your paper had good grammar, and I could tell that you proofread it.
- 8. Good job with citations!
- 9. I really enjoyed the language that you used; it was both attention getting and fun to read!
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